random update in the middle of night.

it has been a long long time since i last blog on my blog. more than 2 months i guess. all because of the laziness and the habit of procrastination. i couldn't understand why when i was in Uni i was quite hardworking on updating my blog. right now, 'm like a free bird after working hour but i have no time and no stamina to blog. emm... time really has the power of fading the passion on "something". i always think to come back to blog, to crap, to type, to refresh my english, to hmm... i don't know. i feel like am getting older after i left uni. somebody please tell me why!

oh ya, i have just finished my 3 months of probation period in the company. sadly, 'm still not being reviewed yet and thus hey, 'm not yet being confirmed & qualified as a permanent employee! there are too much things to talk about my work place, my work condition, my feeling to this and that, to you and him and her and whatsoever. remember last time an experience people told me that, to be a professional, you've to keep low profile. that's why i don't feel like talking the issues in public. not even share with my family members as i was tired to think about JOBS when 'm home. but 'm only human. i need someone to listen. to understand. to know. to feel. the feeling of me. i know that i shouldn't give up easily. i know i should think the reason why and what makes me hold on for so long when i feel like giving up.

hmm... i'm not happy at all. and this unhappy feeling started to be with me gradually and accumulated day by day. second by second. i realized that the longer i working at the company, the sadder i will be.


argh.

to be continued.

=[

一直叫琳不要紧张
自己一大早起床后却穷紧张
怎么办

我很怕！

如果你爱她/他
那就要伤害她/他
因为内疚
永远都是维系爱情的最好方法

好讽刺的电影
婚前试爱

=)

noob's day

great to have him to stay by my side throughout all these years
for not giving up on me
yet still
gave me the best of everything... and
he is just more than anything else in the world...

♥

and eventually i found that


i ♥ him


as if how he loves me

当了五天的补习老师
突然有点心得
原来 一个人是否聪明其实是决定于自己
而
是否比其他人弱却是天生的。。。

面对那些学生 尤其是那些解释了一千遍都不明白的学生
我其实不是失望 是很伤心。。。
为什么会酱

各位爸爸妈妈
如果
你不能教 你不会教 你不要教 你没时间教
如果
你觉得金钱可以买回一切
如果 如果
。。。。

也许酱说很不好 很悲观
但真的 请你们行行好
不要为了短暂的私欲
带他们来这残酷的世界
却弃之不顾 忘了自身真正的责任

各位还没生小孩的男男女女
也该想清楚了
别为了 。。。。 生而生

so....

i actually can't figure out how long i do not update my recent circumstance by posting in this long-abandoned blog. =) thus am right here crapping to entertain those who wish to be entertained.

yea, it is a great saturday night. no beer. no night life. a kinda healthy and relaxing one. listening to some soft love songs in the room which only equipped with myself. writing some words on the book that belongs to us... and so and so. somehow i enjoy alone quite much. and that's why i can breath a sigh of relief after dump my pitiful noob home. being alone is not that bad after all. =)

....

actually i have quite alot to say but.... due to the laziness. so i will only summaries the most important one. LOL

believe that parting is not an ending... but it is another new beginning. Ms. Yeo, i wanna tell you that i am deeply impressed by your determination, your spirit for being firm and without being beaten down by hesitations or obstacles. the most amazing thing is that to beat against the odds!!!! you know what you want exactly and you try your best to strive toward your goals. for sure, life over there would not be an easy one. always keep the reason that bring you there in mind especially the time when you are depressed.

祝福你啦！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

结婚时，你不请我我也要脸皮厚厚的去啦！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

加油！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

话说有一天。。。有一个傻婆
买了染发剂
然后隔一天
傻婆心血来潮。。。就开始帮自己的头发染了。。。
但
当泡泡放好后。。。
傻婆就开始坐在电脑前面打打敲敲
结果一敲就是
一句钟


冲好头发。。。
面对镜子。。。
心里就在想。。。
这一次
事情大条了！！！！

='(

你知道我要说什么吗？
如果你不知道也没关系
看照片
如果看不懂也没关系
因为这是傻婆
傻婆
傻婆


还有那个他他他
可以不要烦我了吗？
谢谢 晚安

突如其来

忽然
想要块芝士蛋糕
忽然
想要一个人在雨天喝咖啡
仿佛回到那一天
忽然
想要提起更新部落格的干劲
忽然
想回到从前从前
那个很快乐的我
忽然
那碗 mogolian chicken 让味蕾在抗议
忽然
脆弱 需要人陪
忽然
需要一点点酒精 热热身体
忽然
想要逛街 补补货
忽然
。。。
好多的忽然

人生 其实不过如此
加油好不好
不要 不要
往后看

=)

actually i have so much to say but i've no time to crap. fml.. i wanna sleep!!!!! but i can't. still on the progress. nobody knows... how stress am i! fml fml fml fml...... =(

probably i can write a good one after i finish the interview. blah...

all i need is courage and confidence...

四月，很脆弱。一个人，一个人。。。将要提着行李，离开堡垒，离开这个保护了我快23年的地方。一个人越过十万八千里，一个人来到一直很向往却陌生的城市。真的不知哪来的勇气、哪来的决心、哪来的 foreign currency... 每当想起那些恐惧，就开始想躲起来，离开世界的喧闹，一个人，疗伤。其实自己没本事不该把责任怪罪在大家，把我保护地好好的是因为他们爱我，而我，应该好好珍惜而不是堕落。所以我只好努力让勇气战胜恐惧。

其实我没有自信，我懦弱，我怕事。。。但我还可以很好，因为即使天塌了下来，都还有人让我靠。我很幸福，却偏偏要选择艰巨的路途。也许就因为人生很短，哪怕是失败，也不能错过，不该遗憾。所以我可以很自私，可以不顾一切，一个人，为了自己的未来，背弃所有爱我的人。哈~狮子。最爱的永远是自己。

还在为自己的忍心而内疚时，原来爱我的人都不会计较我的自私，却还帮助我，让自己可以好好的追逐那看不到未来的未来。就算有天累了倦了，哪天不再年轻了，回来了，也会不计前嫌的让我靠。所以我一直在想，如果有一天。。。大家都不理我了，一定是我活该！

也许真的该好好面对自己。没时间害怕了，接下来的日子要好好地利用时间，不再浪费在害怕上，而是。。准备面试的资料，加强自己。就算不被录取也没关系，至少，那是自己尽力努力去争取的，那是不辜负支持我的人。

加油吧！许燕惠!

很久很久。。都没来这里胡说八道了。以前的那种热忱，消灭了。也许是没了人生的目标，很。。彷徨。很无助。很无奈。我真的不知道。。。自己在干嘛！！！啊。。。我好想。。。躲起来

=(

i'm confused. confused. confused.

很棒 但秘密不再是秘密
以为以为 永远没有人了解
哈
其实很多事情不是绝对的

好吧。
我还是很positive的我

狮子座偶尔很执著
也许是面子的关系
有些要的东西
可以等很久 很久
也许换来的不过是不确定的
都会开心一阵子
这样很白痴 很傻
但开心就是福

就算是谎言
也还要说谢谢
因为至少有了快乐
短暂也无所谓

很努力 真得很努力
但这只是开始

为我加油好吗

and finally,
i'm starting to suffer from the pain of
orthodontic treatment.
cries.

spark gone, love blossom

我想
不只是今天
明天 后天 大后天
还有以后的每一天
都会如今天般幸福
不需要在今天刻意让那些
礼品店 首饰店 餐厅 赚大钱

每一年的情人节都是难忘的
今天 第五个情人节
不需要很复杂 很奢侈 很豪华
简单得让人明白
快乐很简单

我很快乐
你呢？

大大口吸气

对啊。。。
这将会是最后一张照片
最后一张拔掉四颗牙前的照片
接下来的18个月
对不起
我会丑下去

很害怕
但 希望我不哭

只是 emo 一下 一下

想你的时候
头仰得特别高
大声对着黑呜呜的天空说
我好想你
再让眼泪倒流

星期六晚上
特别需要人陪

越是刻意
越是刻骨铭心

packing packing.. i'm so sleepy
.sighs.

没什么
今天不知道哪来的勇气
既然 wax 了整张脸
真得很变态
很痛很痛
痛死我了
却没有回头的余地
不过
现在没有毛毛脸了
哈哈哈哈哈哈

啊。。。为什么当女人那么难丫！

long long rainy day!

went back Starbuck to double check about the '11 planner redemption since today was the last day to redeem.. the answer still the same - short of stock and asked me to wait. but this time was better, as my name and hp no. were printed in a folder, and u know, there was about 100 names have been printed before mine. gosh!! i thought i'm the craziest one. but in reality, i'm not alone. somebody out there really try to drink 12 grande size drinks at Starbucks just aimed to redeem a planner which cost rm 55. LoL... please let me get it in hand as soon as possible weyy!!

and erm... alot to say but ermmm...


blah... night~

=)

这张很丑 双下巴都出来了
是宝贝 肥-licia 硬要帮我拍的
既然还被规定要带上她 hippo 的东东 摆上指定的 pose
然后告诉我说 等下要上载上facebook
天啊，现在的小孩都那么 IN 吗！！！
很丑 但今天很开心
所以大家笑笑就好了

还有
累计很久的12个印章
好感动
因为 我读书都没那么努力

哈哈哈哈哈哈

朋友，真的，
很重要！

bin bin

好多好多的话想说
但是都说不出口
没说出口
问题是解决不了
也许我真的没有很好
没有。。。一点都不好
but don't ask me the reason why..
i'll just lie and say that i'm fine!

:'(

i wanna dye my hair too
hide
*

dilemma

seriously i do not know the limit of a lie...
and i do not really mind you cheat... that's not my business.
but am i really look like a 3 years old kid?
that makes you think my brain is full of water...
that's why you keep telling lie and assume that i will not know about that...
human is ugly. i really meant it.

丢脸丢到我不想提
所以莫名得很down
就是很多莫名其妙的事情在发生。。。
argh~~

sighs... i'm so emo wey~~

男人还没厌倦你时
u're everything
男人对你生厌时
com'on
就算你为他付出了一切
他看你一眼都懒得

就算是十多年的夫妻 又怎样
就算是儿孙满堂 又如何
就算妻离子散 没人送终 有什么问题
com'on
灯关了 还是狐狸精 温柔 体贴

老不羞

lamer

missed the last post on '10
shouldn't miss the post on first day of '11
alright, happy happy new year...

LOLLL